#2153
Part 1: "Back to the Asuylum"
Date: 05/12/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
or "This is then, that was now"
Dear Mickey,
The oddest thing happened to me today. I got a letter addressed to you with a strange symbol on the top. And the only words on the letter were "You must return to the clinic". And the weird part was after I read it, the letters dissappeared....oh no, wait...there they are. *phew*. Anyway, I'm drunk, and a little concerned for your safety, so that's why I've decided to break the silence between us.
Best,
Clorris
Rimmi: Well?
Lita: What?
Rimmi: Who's Clorris?
Lita: Oh! Right!
Rimmi: Well?!
Lita: I don't know....But I've got an even better question. Why is Mickey standing naked in the parking lot doing the Macarana?
(Outside)
Mickey: Poin Blah Pleh Macarana! Inbit Dipshit Turdknocker Macarana! Squirrels...Monster Truck! Wheee Macarana! Gah Macarana!!!!!!!!!! o/'
(Back inside)
Tork: Well, we've been listening to a lot of U2. They seem to inspire a lot of drinking in some people
Evil Mike: He's just stupid. What's to understand.
Lita: We should keep an attentive eye oon this....uh, on second thought (looks again) not that attentive.
(In an abbandoned building conveniently located next door to MSTBlanca, a man is watching the previously mentioned scene)
Dr. Connery: Excellent! This is going just as planned! After all these months, Mickey's mind is still as sharp as a peanut!
McMahon: You sir, are the head hocho of head games. HIYO!!!
Dr. Connery: Shutup and prepare phase two.
(Some time has passed. GROPE is sitting around talking with Mickey, who now thankfully covered with a towel)
Mickey: I have no idea what came over me.
Rimmi: Maybe PM is controlling your mind.
Mickey: No, that's noti...(Gets strange look on his face) would you like your applesauce, now?
Gramps: Oooooh! Yes please!!!
Mickey: OK, Macarana muy bueno (Gets up and starts dancing again)
Lita: OK, so PM's making Mickey insane.
Tork: More so than usual.
Lita: Right. Let's go back to headquarters and figure this out.
Rimmi: I thought you wanted to stay here and watch this.
Lita: He's naked again.
Rimmi: Oh. Good poin.
(GROPE piles into Spidey and leave, but first Spidey walks by a van with the words "Notspies Pizza" on it. McMahon is inside)
Dr. Connery: (On a radio) NOW!!!
McMahon: HI-
Dr. Connery: Don't even.
McMahon: Sorry! (Gets out and hands a note to Mickey)
"You will return to the clinic now"
Mickey: NO! I will never go ba...(Gets that look again) Okay, that sounds nice (Gets in the van and they leave)
(A rural road miles away from our scene)
(A woman spinning around in a chair is hitch hiking. After many attempts, someone finally stops)
wurwolf: (To the driver) You will take me to Pasadena where I will crush your soul.
Cara: Oops, sorry! Had the window closed. (Opens it) What were you saying?
wurwolf: Er...nothing (Gets in) Where you headed?
Cara: To rejoin my one true love.
wurwolf: Hey, that's great! Who's the lucky guy?
Cara: (Laughs)
wurwolf: Oh. (Minutes of awkward silence pass)
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
Post Narc x3
A request: I've got major stuff planned and figured out, so don't do so much. In fact, feel free just to passingly mention this in your replies finishing up Jimmy or Tork and the clones or whatever. I've got ways to bring it in.
#2154
Whoa, that's a mouthful Lita and Tork.
Date: 05/12/2002
From: ServoTheGreat
I'll just finish reading all that stuff, and hopefully I'll get this rp a little better. Thanks a lot guys.
#2155
But wait! There's more!
Date: 05/12/2002
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
Just give me a minute and I'll get them up. :o)
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
#2156
TFtD Summary (Part 4)
Date: 05/12/2002
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
Ok, first off, a very biiiiig thank you to Tork for helping me out with some of that summary. This is the last in the summary set, and it'll bring us right up to a couple of pages ago. So everybody should be all caught up! Ok? Ok!
-----------------------------------------------------------
GROPE climbs into Spidey, and leaves MSTBlanca. But they don't even notice that Mickey didn't get into Spidey because he was too busy being kidnapped by Mortimer! 42 is the only one who knows about Mortimer, but nobody believes her. The rest of GROPE all think PM kidnapped Mickey. They go back to MSTBlanca to kick his ass. 42 wanders off on her own to save Mickey.
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/1958)
Mickey doesn't want to wait for Carmelita42 to save him. He saves his own self by murdering Mortimer.
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/1960)
Together, Mickey and 42 recapture Buffalo, and take him back to MSTBlanca to reunite with GROPE.
GROPE takes Buffalo back to Diaboliks lair to work out the ransom.
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/1965)
PM gives everybody exactly what they asked for, with no tricks. Rimmi's super suspicious though, and destroys everything but the pizza.
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/1970)
GROPE retaliates by throwing a super duper kick-ass party without inviting PM.
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/1973)
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/1975)
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/1976)
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/1977)
Carmelita6969 is at the party! Last we saw her, we discovered that she was engaged to Apathetic Mike. So how did that turn out? He died! Yay!
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/1978)
PM doesn't take it very well that he wasn't invited to the party. Especially when he sees his very own wife attended!
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/1979)
Right when the party is about to end, the horrible truth is revealed. There was something wrong with the pizzas. Nobody who ate the pizza can move anything from the waist down!
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/1981)
GROPE is determined to continue partying despite their affliction, but after a while, they get really bored.
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/1984)
PM and Mrs. Mo have a fight and it ends in *gasp* *tear* a separation! The cow is nominated to go get the antidote from PM. He does so in classic cute fashion.
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/1988)
GROPE is cured.
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/1989)
Deathstalker leaves the rp, and the crowd goes wild!!!
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/1994)
PM is tired of GROPE's shenanegins! He hires a bunch of bounty hunters, and holds GROPE-Fest '98! The bounty hunters are all supposed to run around and kill the GROPErs!
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/2012)
While GROPE is out getting killed, PM and his henchmen invite manosgirl out for ice cream.
GROPE is lured to the woods by the promise of a fun High School Dance. There is no dance, though, only MURDER as PM's bounty hunters cause GROPE to separate, and then hunt them down!
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/2013)
Mickey and Tork run one way, but Mickey falls down a hole. The two of them are attacked by Maggot Man, but Mickey kills him. Tork is unconscious.
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/2016)
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/2028 )
Lita and Evil Mike take their time away from the rest of GROPE to smooch. They are, of course, attacked by a bounty hunter. This bounty hunter is called Marvin, and he's an old friend of Evil Mike's! Lita is thrilled because this means he won't kill her!!! ...OR WILL HE??? He attacks her, and she kicks him in the groin and runs away. Evil Mike and Marvin get drunk together.
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/2027)
Rimmi and gramps are attacked by another bounty hunter, who likes to hunt! Mickey kills him, using Torrrk as a weapon!
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/2029)
As Lita's running away from Marv, she is almost hit by the PMS Big Rig! She gives PM *such* a chewing out for that!
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/2030)
Mickey kills Marvin.
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/2031)
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/2034)
Tork, still unconscious, has a dream.
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/2033)
Lita ressurects Marvin, though he doesn't return to the rp.
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/2038 )
wurwolf is working at Baskin Robbins!
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/2035)
Lita is upset about Evil Mike, and drowning her sorrows at a coffee shop. Too bad she hates coffee. Evil Mike shows up and drunkenly pleads with her to take him back. She agrees, and they get all smoochy in the middle of the coffee shop. The manager doesn't like that.
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/2037)
There is a brief break for an educational piece.
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/2039)
Lita and Evil Mike are arrested for public indecency.
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/2040)
Rimmer busts them out of prison.
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/2042)
Mickey comes up with a plan! He shows up at MSTBlanca in a clever disguise, and gives PM a basket full of Skully! PM is the only person who can see Skully.
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/2049)
But it wasn't actually Mickey who did it! It was Guy Incognito!
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/2050)
Actual Mickey gets back to GROPE Headquarters, and delivers a basket of kittens! The idea is they're so cute that PM won't be able to get anything done because he'll be too busy cuddling them. The plan backfires. GROPE sees the kittens, and are too busy cuddling them to take them to PM. The only one immune to the kittens is Evil Mike.
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/2051)
Sharky the Loan Shark shows up at Diabolik's lair and WANTS THOSE KITTENS!!
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/2052)
Evil Mike has to convince Lita to help save GROPE from Sharky and the kittens! He does so.
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/2053)
Jimmy Mobius comes to MSTBlanca!
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/2056)
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/2057)
Skully has a personality change. PM's still the only one who can see him, but at least he's quit with the screaming!
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/2058 )
Lita and Evil Mike take a vacation.
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/2062)
(http://bboard.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/30633/2063)
But they return! And that's where we end our rp summary, at 2063! Thank you for reading!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
#2157
Servo The Great, evil no more?
Date: 05/12/2002
From: ServoTheGreat
After MTG being abducted, the GROPEies doin' whatever, wurwolf hitchhiking... Servo The Great(no longer Fink) stands alone in the middle of the park.
STG: No good at evil... *sigh*. Well, there's only one thing to do... though I don't want to say it... but... I must... BECOME GOOD! I mean, come on, I suck at evil.
(voice in the background): Yeah, you do kinda suck.
(another voice): Yeah, I'm sorry. But you kinda...
STG: Can it be!?
(Squecky and AFLAC emerge from a bush behind STG)
AFLAC: We're back from Vegas!
Sqeucky: Yup, we would've stayed longer, but AFLAC lost all our money.
AFLAC: When I was on a roll to! I lost it all in a game of Solitaire! I still don't know how I did that...
STG: Whelp, we're good now. So now what?
AFLAC: Well, maybe we should help Mickey!
Squecky: Yeah, some guys captured him!
STG: WELL, THEN! LET'S GO!!! TO THE STG MOBILE!!!
AFLAC: Um, you don't own a car.
Squecky: Maybe we should join GROPE?
STG: Naw, they don't like me... I was kinda a nemesis of theirs... if only a minor one.
Squecky: Ah yes, RENEGADES we be.
AFLAC: Wait... No car? How can we use Drive-Thrus!!! WHAT ABOUT THE HAPPY MEALS!!!
(AFLAC and Squecky cry maniacly)
STG: Don't worry we can always go into the restuarants.
(I realize some of you folks may hate Squecky and AFLAC. So I'll keep their lines to a minimum.)
(I hope I didn't mess up your story Mickey, change whatever you want, so I keep up your new plot)
STG wuz here
#2158
[OOC] I don't know about anyone else...
Date: 05/13/2002
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Really, I don't!!!>>>
...but I like Squecky and AFLAC. I like them VERY MUCH (almost as much as bootblacking!)!!!1!!11!
PM
#2159
Sam: That's not mellow
Date: 05/13/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
Part 1, chapter 1...
PM: What? MSTBlanca being trashed by a bronto?
Sam: Nah, I'm talking about that turkey who was dancing like that in the parking lot. I bet I could show him some Ben Murphy style moves!
PM: Sam, this is all part of my plan. Skully thought it up.
Rick: Then it's not your pl....
PM: Anyway, I called up Dr. Connery, who works at the asuylum that Mickey was admitted too.
Buffalo: Wait a minnit, Mickey's a looney?
Rick: Well, yeah, but I didn't know he was in the booby hatch.
PM: Yeah, remember? Back when he was putting pictures of Lita on all his flowers?
Nick: I thought that was Ortega.
PM: Anyway, he escaped.
Nabut: With the aid of Hercules.
Rick: Steve Reeves' Hercules...
PM: Right. And so I called up Dr. Connery and...
Sam: Just now? I would've done it months ago.
PM: Just shutup, ok? It's a good plan!
Sam: Sorry man! Mellow out!
PM: Anyway, with Mickey missing, GROPE will concentrate all their energy on finding him and...
Rick: Assuming they want him back..
PM: One more word and I'm going to carve my name on your back with an icepick.
Rick: Sorry!
PM: Thus leaving me free to work on my diabolical schemes.
Rick: Which are?
PM: Er, stuff, like....geez, I don't know....I haven't gotten that far yet, ok?
(Sunday enters MSTBlanca. She's wielding a chainsaw)
Sunday: Give me a drink or it's your head!!!!
PM: Hmmmm....this gives me an idea.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
Post Narc x3
Things are starting to start to heat up
Post Narc x3
#2160
Mickey: Hi kids!
Date: 05/13/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
Brother: Oh dear lord, not again!!!
Sister: Mickey!!!
Brother: Don't encourage him, sis.
Mickey: You know, a lot of people are asking me about my new grand TftD story arc and...
Brother: No they're not.
Mickey: And I'm here to answer just some of those questions.
Sister: Is Carmelita9000 going to be in it?
Mickey: Well, duh! Er, and what I mean by that, is yes, Lita and all your favorite GROPErs and villians will be in it.
Brother: Get out of our house.
Mickey: What's that? Will Servo The Great be in it? Of course he will. I'm not writing anyone out.
Cara: Will there be hot lesbian action?
Mickey: Er, no...and this isn't in continuity, so get out of here.
Cara: Fine (Leaves)
Sister: How long is this going to take?
Mickey: That is a very good question. It could go as soon as a week, or as long as a month. It depends on how well the story goes. But I have a definite conclusion.
(Brother leaves the room and runs up the stairs)
Mickey: What's his deal?
Sister: Hey! I'm asking the questions around here.
Mickey: Oh, sorry. Continue.
(Brother sneaks back downstairs)
Sister: Actually, I'm all out. Billy, do you want to contribute anything? Billy? Oh yeah, he went upstairs.
Brother: I'd like to contribute this! (Poins his father's gun at Mickey's head)
Mickey: Um, that's it...hope this clears up some confusion! Bye!!!!! (Runs off)
Brother: And stay out!!!!!
MTG, etc.
Popsicle sticks!!!!
#2161
Fight's over, let's go to MSTBlanca!
Date: 05/14/2002
From: AngelsVanODeath
<Elaine and Michelle are exhausted. They've been fighting for eight days straight now. Everyone's tired and starving -- so much so that they look like the Australian Survivors after 25 days. Trish sits on a rock and pulls out clumps of her hair.>
Elaine <throwing a super weak punch>: You give up, bitch?
Michelle <crying>: Yes! I'm tired of this, I don't care any more. You win.
<Elaine staggers around, trying in vain to do a victory dance.>
Elaine: YES!!!!!! I rule!!
Kako <with disgust>: You know, none of us care any more, Elaine.
April: We gotta go find something to eat. I know of a great place outside of town. It's called MSTBlanca.
Maria: MSTBlanca?! What kind of name is that?
April: I dunno, but their bartender's got it going on!
Maria: Oh yes, I'm certainly game for that!
Terry: Sounds good to me, let's go, girls!
<They all stagger into what's left of the van. April is driving. Everyone is low-key and quiet because they're soooooo hungry. Trish is nearly passed out on Mickey's chair. They drive for a half hour and pull up outside of what used to be MSTBlanca, which is a smashed, smoking wreck.>
Terry: Whoa.
April: Uh.... it was a happenin' place the last time I was here. It's not in a bad neighborhood, honest! I just don't know what happened.......
Kako: It can look like post-Godzilla Tokyo for all I care! I'm hungry!
Terry: Right on, Kako. Let's see if we can scrounge up something to eat.
<Terry climbs out of the van, followed by the others. The Angels walk inside the wreckage, only to see PM and his henchmen threatened by Sunday and her chainsaw.>
Terry: April, I don't think this was such a good idea....
P.S. STG, I LOVED Squecky and AFLAC in the race! Bring 'em on!
#2162
PM: Er, ladies! Hi!!!!
Date: 05/14/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
Part 1 chapter 2.........
Nothing to see here...I don't want any trouble.
Sunday: Oh, that's too friggin' bad, Mobius...
PM: I was talking about the ladies. I don't want trouble with the ladies.
Sunday: OH? AM I NOT LADYLIKE ENOUGH FOR YOU??? (Starts slashing with the chainsaw wildly)
PM: Um, um Sam?
(Sunday is held by an invisible force and it drags her into a cage. It locks the door)
SYLC (Michelle): Oh, that's just horrible.
PM: Oh, I'll let her out soon enough. After I get her some sedativvvvvvvvvv....(Realizes who he's talking to)ity!!!!
April (Teacher Lady): What's that?
PM: It's one of those wacky energy drinks.
Maria (Model Lady): Oh....
Terry (African American woman): Won't that make her want to kill you more?
PM: You think she wants to kill me? HA!
(The Angels look at him suspiciously)
PM: HA I say! HA!!!!
Kako (I forgot her nickname): OK, but we on to you.
Buffalo: Thar here! Should ah let 'em in?
SYLC: Who?
PM: Some old college buddies of mine. We're gonna go party! Bring 'em in!!!
(Buffalo opens the door, and in comes Betsy the Gorilla, Marvin the Bounty Hunter, and IamWriter'sBlock).
Teacher Lady: OK, what's up with this?
(Rick, sensing danger...no, he isn't Puma Man)
Rick: Hey, ladies, can I offer you some drinks?
Model Lady: Oooooh...I've heard of your reputation...
Nick: Huh?
Model Lady: ....for drinks.
SYLC: OK *sigh* but no funny buisness while we're gone.
PM: I wouldn't dream of it.
(The Angel's and Rick leave)
PM: OK....Who wants to do some funny buisness?
(Everyone raises their hands, including the now sedated Sunday)
PM: Great!!!!!
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
Post Narc x3
*GASP* But what of our heroes?
#2163
Angel Bios!
Date: 05/14/2002
From: AngelsVanODeath
And now, because everyone's dying to know, I now present
THE ANGELS!!!
Terry (aka Teacher Lady): The leader of the group. A former teacher who's had it up to here with drugs in the schools! Rather than work through the standard anti-drug channels, she dons a skin-tight white jumpsuit, recruits a gang of chicks and kicks ass! This brown-haired beauty has a big purse stocked with lethal weapons and useful items. Watch out for her spit hankie!
Michelle (aka SYLC): Michelle had a thriving music career and was hanging with the likes of Alan Hale Jr. and Arthur Godfrey, but when she found out her little stoner brother Billy got his ass all beat to hell by the pusher man, she tossed it all aside to save him! Now she travels the country with the rest of the Angels, doing good and beating up the bad guys, all while maintaining her bouncing and behaving hair.
April: The lone African-American in the troupe, April is a former stunt woman who knows how to kick anyone's ass! April is a tall drink of water with a bitchin' fro, and is frequently called upon when some good old-fashioned man intimidation is needed.
Elaine: Elaine is the Angels' munitions expert. She is well-versed in firearms and artillery, and her duties also include rigging the van with firepower and horsepower. Elaine, while somewhat attractive, is not necessarily good man-bait. Men are usually put off by her sullen demeanor.
Kako: Kako is the martial arts expert, and why not?! She's Asian! Aren't all Asians born martial arts experts? Kako does a lot of leaping around and shouting, "HI-YA!", all while looking stern. Her best weapon, however, is a sword called Mr. Poiny McHappySackSlasher. When she brings out her sword, guys instinctively cross their legs!
Maria: A buxom model, Maria is a favorite with the men. Guys young and old line up to get a look at her knockers! Maria's main purpose in the group is to seduce men long enough for them to be duped into giving the Angels things or doing things for them. She also provided the intial funds for the enterprise, thanks to a very dead husband.
Trish (aka TGWIRTYFTLOWASRHHCLIBCPS): Trish is one of Terry's students, a perky young blonde with pigtails. She likes hanging out with the Angels because she's all for grrl power! Trish at one time had a talk show, but now she's around pretty much just to annoy the other Angels and run their errands. Trish has a past with MickeyTGardener..... we won't get into that. Trish was also instrumental in getting Mickey's chair from him during the last Wacky Race.
Mickey's Chair: Never speaks, but we all know it's having a good time with all the Angels' pert little asses parked on it. :o)
#2164
<GROPE gets back to Diabolik's Lair>
Date: 05/14/2002
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
Lita: Ok, I know we have to go rescue Mickey and stuff, but I'm really tired. So, first... Coffee Break!!!
<Jimmy Mobius is excited to finally be accepted into GROPE (or so he assumes he is) and wants to get down to work. He and his stupidy stupid Narrator start drawing up charts and blueprints and stuff. The others, not quite so excited to work during their coffee break, mill around and talk amongst themselves. grandmapa approaches Carmelita42.>
gramps: Hey, Lita42...
42: Yeah?
gramps: There's something I've been a'wonderin about for a really long time. I'd say it's been nigh on 50 years not that this question's been a'buggin me!
42: What's that?
gramps: Lita sure does have a lot of clones. Where'd they all come from?
42: you've been wondering that for 50 years? We Litas are only 21...
gramps: Ok. I've been wondering for a couple of days, then.
42: Well... It all started when...
<Wavy flashback special effects appear>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
<Carmelita is sitting on her bed. There are papers and charts and pieces of felt all strewn around. An electronic typewriter sits in front of Lita, and she's cursing at it.>
Lita: This stupid piece of crap! I hate looking for typos with this thing! I hate this assignment! It's retarded! I hate doing this! PLEH!! I wish I didn't have to stay up all night and do this stupid project for Biology!! Somebody else should have to do it!! *pause* Hey! There's an idea! Somebody else! But wait... It wouldn't be ethical to put my name on the project if I didn't do it myself... *gasp* I know!!
<Lita runs to her garage and grabs an old refrigerator box. She drags it back to her room, pulls out a magic marker, and writes "clone machine" across the front. She draws a circle just below that and colors it in, then writes "PUSH" with an arrow poining to the circle beside it. Carmelita pushes the circle. She lifts up one corner of the box and a woman who looks very much like Lita crawls out from under it. In fact, it could almost *be* Lita!>
Lita: Hi!
Woman: Hi. Who the hell are you?
Lita: I'm Carmelita, and you're my clone. I created you. If it weren't for me, you wouldn't be alive. Got that?
Woman: I guess so.
Lita: Good! Then I guess you see that you have to do as I say!
Woman: Uh...
Lita: Do my biology project!
Woman: No!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
42: Lita tried to convince her new clone to do her homework, but the clone refused. So Lita made another clone. She refused too. Lita tried again... uh... do you see where I'm going here?
gramps: I'm getting the idea. She made 9000 clones of herself just to get out of doing her homework?
42: Pretty much.
gramps: But one of the Litas did finally do the project, right?
42: No. By the time Lita quit cloning herself, there wasn't time. You know, it's not so much that the project was so hard, but none of us clones can stand trying to work with Lita's crappy typewriter either.
gramps: But what did Lita do about her project?!
42: She turned all the clones in as her biology project.
gramps: Wow! Her biology project was that she perfected cloning?! I bet she got an A!
42: No, she got a D. Her teacher said the assignment was to describe the life functions of some imaginary creature, not to actually create life.
gramps: I've had teachers like that.
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
#2165
Yes, what of the heroes?
Date: 05/14/2002
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
<Meanwhile, Evil Mike is hanging out with Rimmer.>
EM: I wish Lita would stop looking over here. Why does she keep looking over here?
Rimmer: Perhaps she doesn't trust us together.
EM: Well, that's pretty retarded... Hey, Ass! Check it out! She looked away! Let's hurry up and do it before she turns back around!
Rimmer: Get off me! I told you not to call me Ass! I have a name, you know!
<Evil Mike looks at Rimmer blankly. He clearly has no idea what she's talking about. He looks back toward Lita.>
EM: Aww! Dammit, Ass! She's looking again! You made us miss our chance!
Rimmer: Ok... whatever. Anyway, there's something about Lita I've always wondered.
EM: Why on Earth would you wonder something about Lita?
Rimmer: Just shut up and answer the question!
EM: Ok... What is it?
Rimmer: What is the deal with all those clones?
EM: So you want to know about the clones, huh? I remember it like it was yesterday...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
<Evil MIke is standing in Lita's room looking mind-bogglingly handsome. Lita is scantily clad, and struggling to read the back of a box.>
Lita: So... this thing makes sea monkeys, right?
EM: Yes.
Lita: Oh, good! *giggle* I like monkeys! They're real cute and fuzzy and stuff!
EM: I don't think sea monkeys are that kind of monkey, Lita.
Lita: <with the puzzled look she often has> Huh?
EM: Never Mind. Just do what the box says.
Lita: Ok! <Lita runs to the bathroom. She doesn't even bother to read the box, she can't read the box! It's too confusing! She just dumps the entire contents of the box into her bath tub.>
EM: Lita, you really should follow the directions. Something might go wrong.
Lita: Oh, don't be a silly!
<Lita fills the tub with water, then starts to stir everything together.>
EM: Lita! Don't stir that with your hands! You'll contaminate the solution!
Lita: *confused* Con-Tah-mint-ay... uh... There's nothing to worry about, Evil Mike! It's just a bunch of cute little monkeys! Besides, you're here to protect me with your awesome manliness! EEK!!
<Lita yelled because a full grown woman has just appeared in Lita's tub! She looks exactly like Lita! And she's nude! And then another appears! And another! And another... Lita and Evil Mike have to back out of the bathroom, there are so many! Lita faints, she's so surprised. The clones all look at Evil Mike.>
Clones: Hello, sailor!
EM: Score!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
gives special thanks to Mickey for the reply title.
#2166
<Against his better judgement...
Date: 05/15/2002
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
...PM is talking to Buffalo.>
Buffalo: Mayn, that Cupcake II! She's some kahnd ah wohman. She's the one fer me, thaht's fer sure!
PM: Yeah. You said that already.
Buffalo: One thing is confusin' me though...
PM: *One* thing?
Buffalo: Ah thought there wahs only one Cupcake II! But it turns out they're a whole bunch of 'em! There's Cupcake II 42, and Cupcake II 6969, and Cupcake II 5738, and Cupcake II--
PM: I get it.
Buffalo: Of course, Ah'm ahlways faithfull to mah darlin' little Cupcake II 9000. But Ah was wantin' tah know why she has so mahny other hers!
PM: Well, I'll tell you how it happened--
Nabut: My Liege, you don't have any better of an idea than the rest of us do.
PM: Are you talking back to me?!
Nabut: Er... No! I should never doubt you, My Liege!
PM: All right, then. Now, I'll tell you what happened. I come from an alternate dimension where there are only 3000 Litas, *not* 9000. You see, in the world where I come, an evil computer in the future called FTDNet rules the world through terror, murder, and attractive floral arrangements. FTDNet was defeated in 2042 by Carmelita3000 and her clone battalion, but before it was completely destroyed it sent back an android assassin to finish the original Lita off before she could clone herself 2999 times. This ruthless android (that looked like Merlin Olson) was called the Germinator: it hated all animal and insect life, but loved plants; heck, it could even make seeds grow to full bloom in seconds! Because of this power they had, we stapled packets of Burpee flower seeds to our lapels. If everyone suddenly had a corsage, we knew a Germinator attack was imminent. So anyway, I was sent back to the past with a Clone-o-Matic grenade to make sure that Lita got cloned before the Germinator got to her. Turns out she got cloned the regular way by the time both the Germinator and I got there, and in my titanic struggle with the Germinator, the Clone-o-Matic grenade went off. Suddenly, there were 6000 Litas, two me's, and one Germinator. The Germinator didn't get a clone because, well DUH, it's an android! You can't clone an android! FTDNet was pretty cheesed off that I had gone back and foiled its plans, so it sent another Germinator back to stop me from setting off the Clone-o-Matic. But it didn't send just any old Germinator back. It sent back the G-1000, the most advanced Germinator ever, made out of Liquid Mulch. Well, I had to go back and stop the G-1000, and prevent FTDNet from ever being created, so as to put a stop to these time travel shennanegans. So there I was, back in the past again, fighting the Germinator again, but this time, I had the help of 3000 of the 6000 Lita clones and my two past clones. We finally figured out that FTDNet came from some kind of accident that happened to Servo The Dictator's Sega games, which warped them into an evil artificial intelligence. So there we were, breaking into STD's fortress, going in to break his Sega games so that this nightmare would never have to take place. Suddenly, the G-1000 was there! We had a tremendous fight, and just when we about had the G-1000 defeated, STD barged in and tackled me! He knocked us *and* the G-1000 into his collection of Sega games, and accidentally set off my spare Clone-o-Matic. Well, the resulting explosion caused there to be *another* 3000 Lita clones, six clones of me, and two clones of STD. One of the STD clones got absorbed by the G-1000, though, and when they blended with the Sega games they formed FTDNet. As you may guess, my face was pretty red at that point. So there was only one thing for me to do: set off an Amnesia Bomb so that nobody would remember what the hell happened, or how there got to be so many clones of everybody. You know, so that everybody just sort of assumed that that's the way it always was. And that's how there got to be 9000 clones of Lita. Do you understand now, Buffalo?
Buffalo: No! That was thah most cahnfusin thing Ah ever heard! And you sure did tahlk a long tahme!
Nabut: That's right. What a steaming load of horse hockey! Was even a word of that true?
PM: Of course it's true! And what are you doing talking back to me again?!
Nabut: Uh... I've overstepped myself... I'm going to go stand over there now...
PM: You'd better...
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
is thankful for her ability to Copy and Paste!
#2167
<Tork and Lita are eating nachos>
Date: 05/15/2002
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
(Hey! It's been a while since we've had nachos! And nachos are the GROPE food of choice!)
Tork: Is Carmelita42 still mad at me?
Lita: Well, you really hurt her feelings, Tork.
Tork: What about Carmelita6969? Is she still mad at me?
Lita: You hurt her feelings too...
Tork: Geez! Do all your clones hate me?? I suck! <Tork puts his head down on the table. Several seconds pass> Hey? Why aren't you reassuring me?
Lita: Er... Well...
Tork: All your clones *DO* hate me, don't they??
Lita: They've kind of been spreading the word around amongst them...
Tork: AHH!!!
Lita: I'm sorry.
Tork: <Bitterly> Where did they all come from, anyway? I mean, who has 9000 clones??
Lita: Is there a problem with me having clones, Tork?
Tork: Ye--er... No!!! Definitely not! I just want to know where they came from, is all! Yeah, that's it!
Lita: Oh. Well, then I'll tell you...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
<Carmelita is a fresh-faced college freshman! She's never been to college before! Wanting to take full advantage of her educational experience, she attends a seminar from the Physics Department. A lecture is being given by Professor Kinkade. He stands on the stage of the auditorium, and behind him stand two large boxes that look somewhat like refrigerators. Professor Kinkade has a large, bushy, and frightening moustache. He has a soft-spoken voice, and speaks in a smooth, soothing way, almost as if he were trying to calm a frightened baby. Apparently he's made a great invention, and he's showing it off now.>
Kinkade: What you see behind me is the worlds first teleportation device! It will revolutionize travel! Just step into one box, and instantly be teleported to another box located anywhere in the world! May I have a volunteer from the audience to help demonstrate this fabulous invention? I assure you, it's absolutely safe!
Lita: <raises her hand> Ooooh! Me! Me!!
Kinkade: Ah, yes, the young lady in the front row. Please come up here... <Lita joins Professor Kinkade on stage> Your name, Miss?
Lita: Carmelita.
Kinkade: Carmelita, lovely name! May I call you Carm?
Lita: N--
Kinkade: Now, Carm, if you would be so good as to step into this compartment here, and follow the easy-to-follow instructions on the inside of the door?
<Lita does so, and he closes the door on her. A light comes on inside so she can see what she's doing. The instructions are simple. Press the button. When a green light comes on, you're there! Lita presses the button. There's kind of a clunking noise above her, but nothing happens. The green light does not come on.>
Lita: Hmm... Maybe I didn't press it hard enough. <She tries again. Nothing.>
<Outside Lita's compartment, Professor Kinkade is explaining all the scientific mumbo-jumbo behind his invention. He sees the green light come on the second compartment, and opens it. Carmelita steps out and smiles. The crowd gasps in amazement and roars with applause. Professor Kinkade closes the door to the compartment and smiles at Carmelita.>
Kinkade: How was your trip?
Lita: Great! Easy as pie! Didn't even hurt!
<The audience applauds>
Kinkade: You see? This will revolutionize travel! My invention will--
<Professor Kinkade is interrupted by a green light turning on on the second compartment.>
Kinkade: Er...
<Nervously, he opens the door. Carmelita steps out and smiles. The crowd goes silent. There are now two Carmelitas on the stage. Professor Kinkade starts to sweat a little as he closes the door. Almost immediately the green light comes on again. Carmelita steps out and smiles. Something is wrong.>
***
<Inside the first compartment, Lita is getting annoyed. She's pressed the button twice now, and nothing happened. She remembers that if at first she doesn't succeed, she should try, try again! She presses the button some more. Every time she does, she hears the same odd clunk above her, but she doesn't feel like she's gone anywhere. She keeps pressing the button. By the time she decides to give up, she's pressed the button, like, 9000 times.>
Lita: What the hell? Where is that light? <she looks around> I don't even see a green bulb in here! Screw this!
<Lita finally opens the door her own self and steps out onto the stage. She's amazed to see a huge crowd of people are also on the stage... and they all look exactly like her. They're even dressed like her. The only one there who doesn't look like Lita is Professor Kinkade, who now shoves Lita roughly to one side so he can look inside the first compartment.>
Kinkade: What malfunctioned?? *Something* malfunctioned!! Ah! I see! This thing is jammed!
<He kicks the side, and suddenly a bunch of large spikes descend from the top of the compartment, and down into the seat. If Lita had still been sitting there, she'd be dead.>
Lita: What the hell is going on??!?! Where did all these other women come from?? What is with those spikes???
<Professor Kinkade grins at Lita, a wild and insane look in his eyes>
Kinkade: Don't you see??? True teleportation is impossible! Impossible, I tell you!!
Lita: But you said--
Kinkade: That was just to get you to volunteer, because I knew you wouldn't understand. But this really will revolutionize travel! See, this box doesn't really teleport you. It can't be done! Instead, and exact copy of you is created in the second box. It looks like you, and thinks like you, it even has your memories! If we didn't tell it otherwise, it would even think it was you! It may as well *be* you! <He laughs> There's no difference! It really is as if you actually traveled to the other box, and in a sense, you did, since the copy is exactly like you in every detail!
Lita: But what's with the spikes??
Kinkade: Don't you see?? The original has to be disposed of! Otherwise the world would be so vastly overpopulated with copies, and copies of copies, and copies of copies of copies... we could never survive!!
Lita: You... were gonna kill me?
Kinkade: No! You would still be alive! You're right there! <he poins to a clone> And there <He poins to another clone> And there and there and there!! Even if the spikes hadn't jammed, you still wouldn't be dead because you came out of that other box and--
Lita: You're sick...
Kinkade: By my count, there are too many extras on the stage. There should only be one Carm. The 9000 superfluous Carms must die. So. Who's it going to be?
<Professor Kinkade smiles at the Litas. Lita and all her clones look at him with stony expressions. They surround him and start to close in. His smile fades.>
Kinkade: Oh... fu-- <One of the Lita's punches him> OUCH!!
Lita: This'll teach him to call us Carm...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lita: And that's how it happened.
Tork: ...
Lita: What's wrong?
Tork: That story was incredibly violent.
Lita: Just as long as you learned a lesson from it.
Tork: Don't piss off the Litas?
Lita: That too.
<As Lita gets up to go do something else, Jimmy runs up to her.>
Jimmy: Ok, Carm! I just figured out-- OOF!!! Ow!!! Why'd you punch me??
<Lita walks away without a word. Evil Mike saw the exchange though, and he approaches Jimmy>
EM: Geez, you pervert! You're hitting on my girl again?? What the hell is your deal!? <More violence follows>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
#2168
Let's zip back over to MSTBlanca!!
Date: 05/15/2002
From: Carmelita9000
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<Nabut, very much unsatisfied with PM's explanation of the origin of the Lita clones, walks over to another part of the bar, or at least over to one of the few parts that has not yet been destroyed by a brontosaurus recently. It just so happens that Carmelita6969 is there.>
Nabut: Hey, Lita6969...
6969: Hey, Nabut-Baby!
Nabut: I've been wondering about something, and I thought maybe you could answer my question...
6969: I'll be happy to help you in any way I can, Sugar. What's the problem?
Nabut: Where did all you Lita clones come from?
6969: Is that all?
Nabut: I'd really like to know--
6969: Clone farm. Now kiss me!!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Of *course* everybody in the rp is talking about me! Aren't I the most important person here? <silence> WELL??? <more silence> Oh! I see, now! Hmph!
#2169
<Rimmi listens to EM.....
Date: 05/15/2002
From: A_Judas_Rimmer
...... and hopes she doesn't screw up the continuity and hopes this reply isn't lame.>
Rimmi: So that's why she has clones? One is plenty.
EM: We could have been making out this whole time.
Rimmi: Yeah but.... I just don't think you...... do it for me anymore.
EM: <looks hurt> I don't do it for you? But I'm Evil Mike! I'm all hot and sexy.
Rimmi: You are but I need to move on. It's hard watching you and Lita together. I need a new love.
Cara: <peeks around the corner> She's going to pick me! <steps around and is suddenly shot in the back> Rimmi, what's that on your shirt---? <dies>
Rimmi: <she and EM and covered in blood> Oh ewwww! What the hell happened?
<behind Cara stands Warren who has not been formally introduced to the plot yet but here he is!>
EM: It's that guy from that show!
Warren: Gulp! This can't be good! <runs away>
Rimmi: Ick! It's okay EM. I made him to get rid of Cara but I didn't think he'd copy the show- I mean I should have known but- anyway he started off as a hologram but somehow I was able to make him a real person. Don't ask me how. Then- well I fell for him and then I forgot all about him. Silly, huh? Well I better go get him. <Rimmi's hair and clothes and eyes turn black and she follows Warren's essence.>
EM: <watches her leave in disgust> That story was totally lame, Rimmi! And- and- I don't love you anymore either! I'm gonna make so much love to Lita! You just watch! <storms off to get Lita>
Cara: *cough* Someone.... help..... I'm not dead yet. Please.....
#2170
ooc- Mickey? Did I ruin your big plans?
Date: 05/15/2002
From: A_Judas_Rimmer
sorry if I did.
#2171
No problem, Rimmi
Date: 05/15/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
It makes things inreresting, but I can manage.
(Besides, I had a feeling one of us were going to write that)
Welcome back to the rp!!
MTG etc.
#2172
Oh, and Rimmi (Don't read yet Lita!)
Date: 05/15/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
(Possible spoiler........)
(Just don't write his death scene please :) Ewwwww......)
#2173
When do I get to read it?
Date: 05/15/2002
From: Carmelita9000
.............................................................
Because I wanna read it! I'm impatient!! I really want to read--
<Evil Mike finds Lita>
Oh! Good morning, Evil Mike! How are you tod--MMMmmmph!!!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
(Good reply, Rimmi!)
#2174
After you see this week's Buffy
Date: 05/15/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
Or until Christmas, whichever happens first. NMT
#2175
Ok, yay! :oD n/t
Date: 05/15/2002
From: Carmelita9000
I hate being excluded from stuff!!
Lita
Oh, yeah... uh.... Tom Servo wears a hoverskirt
#2176
wurwolf: Huh...
Date: 05/15/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
Part one Chapter 2 1/2.........
Is she alright....
Cara: I should be fine. I just...
wurwolf: I was talking about Rimmi.
Cara: Oh.
Tork: She should be fine. She just has issues to work out.
Gramps: And what are you doing here?
wurwolf: Hell if I know, I wanted to go to Pasadena.
Gramps: No whippersnapper, what are you doing in our headquarters? I though you wanted to be one of them there villians.
wurwolf: Oh, well, the thing is...um(Steals some silverware and other things)...Bye!
(wurwolf leaves)
Tork: So.....coffee break over?
42: She emptied the whole drawer.
Tork: So, we can live without silverware, right?
42: There was something else in the drawer.
Tork: There was?
42: Yes. Something sleeping.
Tork: I don't get it.
42: Somehing two inches tal...why am I talking to you, anyway?
(42 leaves)
Tork: Well.....Made you talk. HA!!!!!
************************************************************
(Outside of GROPE headquarters, wurwolf is running when she feels something moving in one of her pockets)
Cow: (Wakes up) Mooooooo...Huh? Where amoo I?
wurwolf: GAH!!!!!
Cow: Welll, it's about timooe! Are you fromoo the Ceramic Animooal Rights group? I called themoo moonths ago.
wurwolf: OK, I don't want any trouble. What do you want from me?
Cow: I'moo not going to hurt you! I'moo a friend of Lita's...which I just realized was a terrible thing to say. I've been hanging around these moorons too long.
wurwolf: Oh, Lita, right. OK then. Hey you know what I've always wondered? How did she get al.....
Cow: Trust mooe, you don't want to know.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
Post Narc x3
ACK!!! Cownapper!!!!
#2177
AFLAC: Where do clones come from?
Date: 05/15/2002
From: ServoTheGreat
STG: Clones? You mean the Lita ones? I'm not sure, but I've heard things... Let me tell you the story, AFLAC...
(black and white screen, and rag time playing in the background)
Lita is walking down the road minding here own business. Then, meanwhile a ways down the road a truck carrying toxic waste slips on a banana peel, and the contents spill out. A bystander yells...
(screen goes black, and written on it is, "LOOK OUT!")
Lita looks up as a wave of toxic goo crashes on here.
(screen goes black again, as Lita says, "Poopie!")
STG: Now she either turned into the INCREDIBLE HULK, or developed great psychic powers, or she split into 9000 forms of here self.
AFLAC: You read to many comic books STG, she split 9000 times.
Squecky: That's not how it happened! Here's how it really went down...
(the entire memory looks like it has been drawn with crayons and is on loose leaf paper)
Squecky: Now let's see... um... I think Lita was on Venus, when a magical taco landed on her head. It said, "I'll give you a wish... for some reason." Lita then wished for 9000 of herself, so she'd never be lonely. And that's that.
STG: No, Squecky. No.
AFLAC: Well, I heard that it was some accident with a teleporting machine at a college.
STG: Yeah, she'll tell you that story. BUT SHE WON'T TELL YOU IF IT'S REALLY TRUE OR NOT!
SqueckY: Okay, enough small talk. Back to business. We have to save Mickey, so lets get our Zorro costumes on and do it!
(the three ride off into the sunset, cheering, "Ole!")
STG wuz here
#2178
<lugging home the silverware>
Date: 05/15/2002
From: wurwolf
wulfie: Hey babe, I'm home! And look what I got!
Schmoe: Oh hell, not more stamps and paper.
wulfie: Nope! Silverware! Tons of it! <dumps an armload of silverware on the floor>
Schmoe: Hon, we've already got tons of silverware. I hope you at least got some spoons and forks this time.
wulfie <sorting through the silverware>: Uh..... lots of knives.... one fork.... Looks like it's mostly knives, hon.
Schmoe: *sigh* Great. Just put it all in the sink, we'll wash it later. I've something super cool to tell you!
wulfie <sits next to Schmoe on the couch>: What? Has the latest New Fighting Technique comic come out?
Schmoe: I wish. I heard how Lita got all her clones!
wulfie: Oh yeah? You're not going to tell me she time traveled, are you?
Schmoe: No, time travel is a worn-out plot device. Here's the real story: I was watching tv and flipping channels, and I saw the last Sally Jesse Raphael with TV's Phil Donahue. They were just shooting the shit when Phil let it slip that he found out that Lita was going to be the star of a high-octane action thriller! The job called for her to jump from the top of a 50-story building, but she freaked out and locked herself and Evil Mike in her trailer. So then the producer had to call up some scientisty guys and they were supposed to make 6 clones of Lita. Only the cloning process went horribly wrong and they wound up with a whole bunch more than they were supposed to.
wulfie <looks at Schmoe for a long second>: So.... did they ever finish the movie?
Schmoe: Nope. All the other clones were big babies too.
wulfie: And you believed this.
Schmoe: Hon! This was TV's Phil Donahue! I mean, if it was Jerry Springer or something I wouldn't believe it, but this is the man who invented the daytime talk format!
wulfie: Uh-huh.
Schmoe: Oh fine, be that way. I'm hungry.
wulfie: Yeah, me too. Pizza again tonight?
Schmoe: Sure, why not. We can't eat anything that requires spoons or forks anyway. Oh hey, that PM dude called for you again today. Said he's got some sort of caper. What are you up to, you?
wulfie <smiling>: I'll tell you over pizza.
wurwolf
Bonhead #3
fs!!
#2179
A Talking Cow?!
Date: 05/15/2002
From: wurwolf
wulfie: Oh hey, I got something else at the silverware place too. <roots around in her pocket> Look! It's a cute little ceramic cow!
Schmoe: Hey, cute. You can put it on the shelf next to my Jesse Ventura doll.
<wurwolf walks over to put the cow on the shelf and it starts yelling at her>
Cow: Hey! I don't want to go on the shelf!
Schmoe: Did you just say something, hon?
wulfie: Nope, it was the cow. <sees Schmoe looking at her oddly> Yes, I said the cow.
Cow: Yes, the cow! Mooron.
Schmoe: A talking cow?! How the hell did you wind up with that?
wulfie: I dunno, I was just helping myself to the silverware and I saw it and thought, oh, how adorable! I'm going to take it home for Schmoe because I love him lots and lots.
Cow: Oh right! You weren't even paying attention to mooe, you kleptomooaniac! You were just mooaking a mooad grab for the silverware.
Schmoe: Hon, do you know what this means?!
wulfie: We're stuck with an annoying talking cow?
Cow: HEY!
Schmoe: No, silly. We can take it on the Antiques Traveling Roadshow and see how much it's worth!
Cow: Hey, you can't sell mooe!
wulfie: No way, hon! It's adorable! We have to keep it.
Schmoe: I'll bet we could get a couple hundred for it, hon.
wulfie <eyes widening>: Really?! Grab the car keys, babe, we're off to the Roadshow!
wurwolf
Bonhead #3
fs!!
#2180
[And once again, meanwhile...]
Date: 05/16/2002
From: PharaohMobius
<<<We have additional meanwhile for you also!>>>
[Nabut] Uh... I've overstepped myself... I'm going to go stand over there now...
[PM] You'd better... [His wristwatch starts beeping.] Cripes! It's almost time! Hurry we're gonna miss it!
[Buffalo] *gayasp* You're rahght, boss! [He runs into the next room.]
[Nabut] What? What are we going to miss?
[PM] Notimetoexplain! Comeonnow!!! [He grabs Nabut by the shoulder and pulls him into the room. Buffalo is already sprawled out on his belly in front of the TV. PM pulls Nabut up to the couch and pushes him down into a seated position. PM then sits down himself.]
[Nabut] My pe- screw it! Boss, what's this all about?
[PM] Oh boyohboyohboy! It's coming on!!!
[Nabut] Wha--
[In mid sentence, Nabut is cut off by an announcer saying, "And now, the WUPNB hit series, Fern!". The driving guitar line of U2's "Even Better Than The Real Thing", and the word "Fern!" appears on the screen. Soon, Bono is singing "Fern's the real thing, Fern's the real thing, she's even better than the real thing..." As the song plays, a young, brown-haired girl is seen in a boarding school of some sort, doing schoolgirl-type things. PM and Buffalo are glued to the screen, but Nabut clearly can't see what the appeal is.]
[Nabut] You brought me in here for a *TV show?*
[PM] Not just any TV show, Nabut! It's "Fern!"!!!1!
[Nabut] Ummm... yes. And what is it about "Fern" that makes it better than any other WUPNB--
[PM] *Ahem!*
[Nabut] --that is, any *non-vampire based* WUPNB show?
[PM] Fern's a student at a special school for wizard children! She has to face not only the normal trials of being a principled pacifist teenage girl, she has to face magical dangers and adventures! And she does it all with grace, style, and a winsome personality! She's great!
[Buffalo] Ah don't know whut it is abaout her, but she kinder remahnds me o' Cupcake II fer some reason! [He gets dreamy-eyed.]
[PM] Buffalo! Fern's only 15! That's *sick*!
[Buffalo] Marryin' age is 13 where Ah come from...
[PM takes out a big honkin' army boot and drops a lot of lead weights and horseshoes into it. He then clouts Buffalo in the head with it.] *NEVER* talk about Fern like that again!
[Buffalo] *gurgle*
[Nabut] I still don't see what the appeal of this show is, my liege. What makes "Fern" any better than "Charmed", or "Dawson's Creek", or "Sabrina the Teenaged Witch"?
[PM] You watch your mouth, mister! Fern's way better than those pleh-y shows! Just watch, and you'll like it! [He notices the commercials are over.] Dang it! I'm missing it! Just watch and tell me what you think at the next set of commercials!
------------------------------------------------------------
[At the next set of commercials...]
[PM] What did you think?
[Nabut] Eh, it's okay. Not as bad as I thought, but not really great, either.
[PM] Why you--! [He leaps at Nabut. The scene goes black.
------------------------------------------------------------
[50 minutes later, after the show's over...]
[PM] So Nabut, what did you think?
[Nabut is strapped down into a chair with his head locked forward in a brace and his eyelids propped open. He has a gag in his mouth, which PM removes.]
[Nabut] Fern... is... wonderful...
[PM] You see? I knew you'd like it if you gave it a chance!
The mad Pharaoh Mobius
President of the Fern Barry Fan Club
Vice Prez of the Mr. T Fan Club
Sergeant At Arms of the I Hate Dawn Club
Veteran of the Soup Wars
Tuba Virtuoso
Sarcophagus!
#2181
SERVO THE GREAT VS. EVIL MIKE
Date: 05/16/2002
From: ServoTheGreat
<Battle of the Century Mode>
Squecky: Let's ride over to GROPE headquarters. Maybe we can clues on Mickey's whereabouts there.
AFLAC: And maybe we'll see Lita!
STG & SqueckY: Wha!?
AFLAC: Yes, I plan to make Lita my bride!
Squecky: HA, let's see Evil Mike even let you get close to her!
AFLAC: Don't worry. I have a plan. You'll see when we get there.
<Later at GROPE headquarters, STG & crew walk in cause GROPE has a bad habit of not locking doors.>
STG: Hello, folks!
grandmapa: ACK! It's dat Fing... Finl... fingle... FINK GUY!
STG: Oh no I'm not bad anymore. You see, I came here to--
AFLAC: TAKE LITA FROM EVIL MIKE FOR ME!
EM: (enraged) WHAT!?
STG: Hey, hey calm down... heh heh... (whispers to AFLAC) What are you doing!
AFALC: It's my plan! Now go get 'em STG!!! He doesn't look that tough.
STG: That's what you think! I'm gonna have a long talk with-- (cut off as EM picks STG up over his head, spins him, and throws him right into the kitchen, where STG lands on the counter, and slides until he hits the wall, and the phone mounted on it)
(STG looks knocked out)
EM: And now to kill him. (picks up refridgerator, and it about to smash STG with it, when STG wakes up)
STG: (throws the phone at EM's face) It's for you! (the phone breaks into pieces when it hits him, then he drops the refridgerator on himself)
Lita & Rimmer: EVIL MIKE!
STG: Whew... I'm still alive...
(everything seems calm, till EM punches right through the refrigerator)
STG: Uh oh...
EM: (holding a turckey in his hand) Your the guest. Would you like something to eat? (smack STG with the turkey)
(STG gets knocked back)
STG: I didn't want to do this but... (jump kicks EM, EM doesn't even budge, and STG falls back... again) Uh oh...
EM: (grabs STG by the neck) I'll kill you! Then I'll strap your irritating animals in dynamite again!
STG: (can't speak well, due to the strangling and all) Could you blow them up first? I can't stand 'em.
EM: Hmmm... NO! (Throws STG right out the front door)
STG: (on the lawn) Ow, where is he? Did he give up? (looks behind him, and sees EM about to run him over with a riding mower) AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
*BUUUUUUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ*
STG: Ow... again... I give up... (passes out)
AFLAC: Oh great, job! NOT, LOSER!
Squecky: So, um, do you guys know where Mickey is?
STG wuz here
#2182
(...in the nuthouse)
Date: 05/17/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
Part 1 Chapter 3........
Mickey: GAH!!! Keep it away, it's horrible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dr. Connery: Oh? You don't like remembering your past through hypnosis?
Mickey: Well, that too. It's just you have a huge piece of broccoli in your teeth. It's awful!!!!
Dr. Connery: Just shutup and watch the watch...(To himself) Heh...watch the watch, I gotta write that one down.
Mickey: I really don't remember anything about my past.
Dr. Connery: Really? Not even Clorris?
Mickey: Clorris? (Wavy flashback lines appear)
Clorris: We've been married now for three months and you never take that ridiculous hare costume off!!!!
Mickey: I'm not a hare.
Clorris: Good! We just had a break through!
Mickey: I'm a bunny!
Clorris: (Starts crying) You know, we've *sniff* never even...
Mickey: Never even what?
Clorris: You really have no clue. *sniff* I want a divorce
Mickey: Good! I want one of those too! And some ice cream!!!
Clorris: Do you even know what a divorce is?
Mickey: Sure! It's one of those...um...it's a kind of cake, I think.
Clorris (Takes two suitcases out of the closet, apparently she's been keeping them there for several days): Goodbye, Mickey.
Mickey: Bye! Hey wait!!! Where's my cake?????
(Flashback ends)
Mickey: Oh, *that* Clorris. Wait! Something else is coming back to me!
Dr. Connery: Yes?
Mickey: A few days after she left. She came back to get her bed. But I had other plans for i...
Dr. Connery: OK, I think that's enough of those memories!!!
Mickey: Oh. OK.
Dr. Connery: Wow, you remember a lot for not even being under the hypnosis
Mickey: Oh yeah!!! Like I remember this one time (Wavy flashback lines...)
Mickey: (Lita punches him in the face, and then Rimmer kicks his not exactly chopped liver ass, and then Lita punches him again) I'm not that kind of guy, I swear. Did I try ANYTHING with you when you were in the Big Misunderstood Sex Machine aka the armored car from the beginning of Diabolik which was once a time transport but then it wasn't (sorry, it's been so long. Had to get that out of my system) naked, Lita?
Lita: Well, this is for Ortega! (smashes an empty bottle of booze over Mickey's head) And this is for Toblerone! (hits Mickey with another empty bottle) And this is for-oh wait, still a little left in this one-there, this is for THE CRACK ABOUT MY TOMATOES!!! (Hits Mickey with a bar stool)
Rimmer: And this is for the mime! (Kicks Mickey's ass again)
Mickey: Okay, sorry, I'll make sure in the next wacky race, if there's a mime, I won't type it out so you're scared, only annoyed.
Rimmer: SHUT UP!!! (kicks Mickey's ass again)
Lita: Rimmer, it's okay, I think he's dead now. (both leave)
Mickey: (Gets up, coughing, picking glass out of his hair)
I was just being a gentleman. Ow, there goes my pancreas.
(Flashback ends)
Mickey: And I think that's why I never got close enough to any woman, except that one time when Clorris left me and she showed up a few days la....
Dr. Connery: That's enough. I told you...
Mickey: ter, and we...
Dr. Connery: I told you, that's enough!
Mickey: Oh no, I'm just getting started
Dr. Connery: SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mickey: OK, beddie bye now (Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz......)
Mickey T. Gardener
BBoard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
Post Narc x3
End part one. YAY!!!!!
#2183
Tork: No. We don't know.
Date: 05/17/2002
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
AFLAC: If you don't know where Mickey is, shouldn't you be looking for him? Isn't he your friend?
Lita: Oh, sure he is. But we can't look for him because we don't know if it'll mess up the plotline he's going for.
EM: Plotline? What the hell?
Lita: Er... I mean... He's a jerk, and you should punch him when he gets back.
EM: Oh! I get what you mean now!
Lita: Hey, Evil Mike. You got some super strength in that fight with STG. What the hell?
EM: What super strength?
Lita: You picked up a refrigerator.
EM: Big deal. It was really empty. Mickey hasn't been filling it with his stupid soup lately.
Rimmi: I can't believe Mickey got himself kidnapped. How annoying!
Lita: It's ok.
Rimmi: It is?
Lita: Yeah! Remember that time PM died, and so you made a PM hologram?
Rimmi: Yeah.
Lita: Well, I messed with it a little bit, and I made a Mickey hologram! It's just like Mickey! And it'll take Mickey's place in our group until the real Mickey returns!
<Lita pulls out a box, and fiddles with some controls. An image of Mickey appears.>
Holo-Mickey: *smile* Hi! I like soup!
Lita: See? It's exactly like Mickey!
EM: Are you sure?
<Evil Mike punches the Mickey hologram. His hand goes right through.>
Holo-Mickey: Ouch! That hurt! *smile*
EM: He doesn't have to be sarcastic!
<Holo-Mickey checks out Rimmi and Lita>
Holo-Mickey: Wow! *smile* You two have nice cans!
Rimmi: Hey! Lita, what a thing to make him say!
Lita: I didn't program him to say that!
Holo-Mickey: *smile* The blood of my victims cleanses the earth!!!
Tork: The hell?
<Holo-Mickey picks up a lead pipe and starts bashing everybody's heads with it. Fortunately, it's only a hologram of a pipe, so nobody is hurt. It's annoying, though.>
Rimmi: Stop that.
Holo-Mickey: Ok, Hottie! *smile*
<He continues to hit people with the pipe. Evil Mike punches Holo-Mickey.>
Holo-Mickey: Ouch! *smile* <he drops the pipe>
Rimmi: Lita, why the hell did--
<Holo-Mickey says something so incredibly filthy, I can't put it here.>
Tork: <covers his ears> AHHH!!!
Rimmi: Turn it off! Turn it off!
Lita: I can't make it stop! I don't know how it works! I don't know what's going wrong!!11!
<Rimmi grabs the controls from Lita.>
Rimmi: You don't get to build stuff anymore! How many times do we have to tell you you don't know how to build stuff?
Lita: I was just trying to help... <Lita starts to cry>
Holo-Mickey: I invented pants! And now I'm going to remove mine!
GROPE and Guests of GROPE: AAAAAAHHHHHH!1!!1!!!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Next up: More Mickey
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